Spare the rod and spoil the child, that could win the "most popular quote of African parents, a few days ago I watched a scene where a single mother mercilessly beat her child for talking to a stranger, OK obviously that is none of my business, it's her child after all, but then it got me thinking, too many of my friends tend to have this symptoms of low self-esteem which is coating with the word "containment", "they are well trained", their parents would boast but that's not what am thinking, am thinking they are over trained.
Hitting your children constantly may stop their bad behavior but will damage them and your relationship with them in the long run.
People who believe "sparing the rod spoils the child" should be a lifestyle typically dismiss the enormous body of research showing that hitting children constantly turns them into angry, resentful adults with psychological and emotional problems. A large meta-analysis of studies on the effects of punishment found that the more physical punishment children receive, the more defiant they are toward parents and authorities, the poorer their relationships with parents, the more likely they are to report hitting a dating partner or spouse. They are also more likely to suffer mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse problems.
A rational person changes his or her beliefs when reality turns out to contradict those beliefs.
The data show that punishment must be age-appropriate, and must be used when appropriate. Mild spanks may be acceptable for children aged 2-6, older children should be disciplined in non-violent ways, and parents with anger issues or abusive tendencies should avoid physical discipline entirely. According to national statistics, nearly 125,000 children were victims of physical abuse serious enough to warrant medical care in 2012, and 42% of those victims were under the age of 6.
Even when using physical punishment on a young child, you must be sure punishment is really called for in the circumstances. I once saw a father and young son (about age five) bicycling along a busy road, the father following the son. The father was beside himself with rage because his son simply would not keep his mind on the road. Everything seemed to distract him. The father finally lost it, pulled his son off his bicycle, and swatted him hard on the bottom. "What you're doing is dangerous", he yelled, "You could be killed! You have to pay attention!" What the father failed to understand is that his young son was not capable of ignoring all of those distractions. His son was getting punished for failing to do something he was incapable of doing. A child that age is more capable of following someone on a bicycle than leading. The reason for this is biological: Self-control and focus is the function of the brain's frontal lobes, and the frontal lobes are not fully developed or fully connected to the rest of the brain until early adulthood.
No one can learn when they’re afraid.
I was reading an interview with Dr. Bruce Lipton (you can click on the name to read the interview) and he said that that it is biologically impossible to learn and implement higher-order thinking when fearful. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstreams and brains. Our blood is diverted to our extremities and higher order frontal lobe thinking is basically shut down in favor of more reflexive responses, originated from our instinctual brain stem area. If you want your child to learn something, it’s critical to reduce fear rather than increase it.
Alright, am not saying you should spare the rod entirely, but then the rod shouldn't be a daily bread for your kids.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.
