Archive for August 2017

BUILDING A POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM

Published on August 10, 2017 By Unknown
2 comments

Self-esteem refers to the opinion you have for your own self. If you feel you’re competent and kind, good looking, or capable of doing things, this is a sign that you have high self-esteem.

But, if you have negative opinions about yourself and feel that you cannot do your tasks like others do or do not look good, you have low self-esteem. Sometimes, low self-esteem becomes the cause of anxiety and depression.

Therefore, self-esteem refers to how you think about your own self, how worthy you think you are and how much importance you give to yourself. It’s not about bragging about yourself, but knowing that you can do your best, even if you’re not perfect.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

It’s unfortunate that only a few people know the important role that self-esteem plays in their lives. The success that you have in your career depends on the effort that you invest in it. Also, the amount of effort that you invest depends on the level of trust that you have in yourself for successfully achieving your goals. Simply, if you do not believe in yourself that you will succeed, you never will. Besides, it’s next to impossible to get better business opportunities or career promotion if you lack self-esteem.

Low self esteem is often the main reason for disappointments in relationships. People with poor self-worth often experience difficulty in getting along with their partners, it as well as affects their sex life. People with negative images about their selves often feel distrust, jealousy, and problems with intimacy. Some indications of poor self-esteem include the following:

•    Feeling of extreme jealousy 

•    Loss of decision making abilities 

•    Feeling of not being respected and cherished by their loved ones 

•    Developing a sense of dependence on others even on simple things 

•    Always feel pressured while doing tasks 

•    Display of excessive anger over simple misunderstandings 

•    Too much worry 

•    Frustration 

•    Feeling helpless 

•    Poor performance at school or the workplace 

It’s extremely difficult to experience the joy of life if you have negative thoughts about yourself. If you always feel negative and have low self-esteem, you’ll never realize your success potentials and you’ll never feel happy in life. Even if things around you are perfect, you’ll never have the chance to enjoy them if you always have negative ideas about your own self.

How Self-Esteem Can Change the Life of a Person

A person with high self-esteem sees everything in a positive view and always feels confident and enjoys life. Even if hardships and difficulties come his way, he sees it challenges and never backs down. If you have high self-esteem, you’ll feel confident.

You will not allow other people to treat you in the wrong way or take advantage on you. All people experience ups and downs at some point of their life and it is ok. However, this doesn’t mean that you should back down and have low self-esteem. If you always have the feeling of not being worthy of something, you’ll never have the courage to try new things and succeed in life.

If you feel that you have low self-esteem, you do not need to worry too much as there are ways you can get rid of it and build self-confidence. Jot down the things that make you feel good about yourself, the things that you have done, and the compliments that others have given to you and this will make you feel good about yourself. If you’re an office person, stick notes to your computer or desk “I’m doing well” or “I can do it”.

These messages will be absorbed by your mind. Everyone is gifted with the power to do great things. Everyone is worthy and see to it that you keep these things in mind. Soon, you’ll feel confident and happy.

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PLEASE I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU

THE TOUCH OF LOVE (PART 4)

TOUCH OF LOVE
Published on August 05, 2017 By @kent_shot_it on ig
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THE TOUCH OF LOVE 
PART 4
A STORY WRITTEN BY KENT




Damilare Peters arranged the pay-slips on the desk. The end of every month felt like a jackpot for him. He had a lot of debts to settle and a few things to purchase. He hoped he would have enough left to get him by before he received another paycheck. He considered himself lucky to have gotten employment in Hopewell Dental Clinic as an Accountant. His paycheck was the double of what his peers earned. The nurses strode into his office without knocking, followed by the receptionist.
“Don’t you girls ever knock?”
“The Accountant,” Adanne sat on his desk.
“Accountant, accountant, how you dey now?” Ibinabo settled on a chair in front of the table while Sikemi took the other seat.
“Where is our pay slip?”
He searched her face. The receptionist never wasted time. She was always direct and straight to the point. He liked her, but his height might be a problem. She was at least three inches taller. He knew several girls who didn’t like dating men shorter than they were. He had seen her ogle at the CEO on more than one occasion. He was shorter than her too. If she liked their boss, maybe she might give him a chance.
Sikemi stared back at him puzzled. His intent gaze made her uneasy. Was he interested in her? He wasn’t that bad. He had a good physique, but too short for her liking. He was from her tribe and that was a plus. She was interested in their boss. If only he would notice her. The man had been acting beside himself lately. She had a feeling that he was sort of depressed. She wished he would confide in her. Who was she anyway? His employee, she wasn’t even his friend.
“Have you noticed Oga’s mood swings?” Adanne tapped her on the shoulder.
She looked up at her and nodded.
“That’s true. He is being kind of cold and unapproachable lately,” Ibinabo chimed in.
“May be he is stressed up,” Adanne reasoned.
“Abeg, abeg, take your pay-slips. Don’t turn my office into a gossip center,” he distributed their slips. The nurses chuckled, collected their slips and headed out.
“Oga has turned to stone cold Steve Austin,” Damilare said casually.
Her confused look made him to laugh, “Who is Steve Austin?”
“Steve Austin now, Wrestle Mania…”
Her clueless gaze remained on his face, “I don’t watch wrestling matches.”
“Like seriously?”
She eyed him and got to her feet.
“Steve Austin is mean, cold, powerful, six feet, broad shouldered, fair, six pack, steel-like stance, emotionless and strong.”
“So, our boss is Stone cold Bassey Etim?”
“Exactly, without the height, muscles and you know.”
She started to laugh.
“I was there when he lashed out at Doctor Sylvester.”
“What happened?” she sat back on the chair, eager for news.
“If words were swords, Dr. Slyvester would have had severe cuts all over him.”
“Ouch!” She placed a hand on her chest.
“A broken heart does nasty things to a man’s mind.”
“But, I thought he was over his ex-girlfriend,” she raised an eye-brow.
He shrugged, “Maybe something or someone re-opened his old wounds.”
“Ouch!”
“I guess we are in for a repeat episode of what happened when they just broke up a year ago.”
“God help us,” she leaned against the chair and folded her arms across her chest.

xxxxxx
He drove homewards, despite the storm; he navigated his way into the Government Residential Area. He thought of eating catfish pepper soup for dinner after taking a hot bath. A hot milky beverage would make him to relax and send him off to Slumber land. He had not been sleeping well and it was affecting him physically and mentally. Two houses away from his place, he saw a group of people gathered at a corner and shouting at a man, a woman and a young lady. They stayed closed together, drenched and shivering. What was going on? Should he find out or head home? He didn’t like getting wet in the rain. He drove off and stopped in front of the white house. He changed his mind and got out of the car. He approached the crowd and recognized many of them. Most of them lived on that particular street.
“Uncle Bassey,” she tapped him on the shoulder.
“What are you doing out here? Don’t you know you can catch a cold?” he eyed his neighbour’s daughter.
She pouted her lips.
“What is going on here?”
She moved closer to him, “This man, his wife and daughter, have been living in that uncompleted building down the street. The people in the area want them to live.”
His brows creased in a frown. What was their business? “Nobody has a say in this matter except the owner of the building.”
“The sister of the land owner is the one leading the protest.”
“Witchcraft,” he said under his breath.
“They said they don’t have anywhere else to go, but, no one is listening.”
He sighed and approached the stranded family.
“Doctor Bassey…” someone called him from the crowd, “Please tell them to leave or else I will call the police.”
He ignored the person and addressed the family, “Good evening.”
They stared back at him blankly and cringed.
“I live in that house over there,” he pointed at the white house, they followed his gaze, “It is raining, let’s go in… least you catch a cold or something worse, then, we can talk.”
They exchanged glances and looked back at him.
“Please come with me,” he beckoned at them.
They followed him immediately, but, with caution. The crowd watched them and dispersed, but, Chinyere followed the doctor and the strange family. He led them into the building and returned to get his car. He parked the car inside the compound and hurried into the building. He met Chinyere by the stairway.
“Uncle…”
“Not now, not now,” he dashed off.
She stamped her feet on the ground and watched him leave. She wanted to know why he took the family home. What he did was very risky. He didn’t know them from Adam and they were inside his house. She decided to confront him in the morning. She dragged her feet and returned to her flat.

xxxxxx
Bassey led the family into one of the guest rooms.
“Do you have anything to change into?”
They shook their heads.
“Okay, I will be right back,” he hurried away and returned with a pile of clothes. He dumped them on the large bed, “This…” he picked up a tee-shirt and a pair of black trousers, “It belongs to me…” he sized up the man who looked like he was in his fifties, “I think this will suit you,” he gave it to the man, “The blouses and skirts are for my younger sister, she spends her weekends here sometimes,” he looked at the woman in her forties and the young lady in her mid-twenties.
“Thank you,” they chorused.
“When you have all taken a hot bath, please join me at the dining,” he retreated and found his way out.
The man held hands with his wife and daughter. They were grateful to God for rescuing them from the angry crowd. They had been terrified because they had nowhere else to go that night. The uncompleted building had been their abode for several months. God had sent them an angel and they were grateful.

Watch out for part 5

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TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

HANDLING RELATIONSHIPS
Published on August 05, 2017 By @kent_shot_it on ig
0 comments

Spare the rod and spoil the child, that could win the "most popular quote of African parents, a few days ago I watched a scene where a single mother mercilessly beat her child for talking to a stranger, OK obviously that is none of my business, it's her child after all, but then it got me thinking, too many of my friends tend to have this symptoms of low self-esteem which is coating with the word "containment", "they are well trained", their parents would boast but that's not what am thinking, am thinking they are over trained.

Hitting your children constantly may stop their bad behavior but will damage them and your relationship with them in the long run.

People who believe "sparing the rod spoils the child" should be a lifestyle typically dismiss the enormous body of research showing that hitting children constantly turns them into angry, resentful adults with psychological and emotional problems. A large meta-analysis of studies on the effects of punishment found that the more physical punishment children receive, the more defiant they are toward parents and authorities, the poorer their relationships with parents, the more likely they are to report hitting a dating partner or spouse. They are also more likely to suffer mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse problems.
A rational person changes his or her beliefs when reality turns out to contradict those beliefs.
The data show that punishment must be age-appropriate, and must be used when appropriate. Mild spanks may be acceptable for children aged 2-6, older children should be disciplined in non-violent ways, and parents with anger issues or abusive tendencies should avoid physical discipline entirely. According to national statistics, nearly 125,000 children were victims of physical abuse serious enough to warrant medical care in 2012, and 42% of those victims were under the age of 6.
Even when using physical punishment on a young child, you must be sure punishment is really called for in the circumstances. I once saw a father and young son (about age five) bicycling along a busy road, the father following the son. The father was beside himself with rage because his son simply would not keep his mind on the road. Everything seemed to distract him. The father finally lost it, pulled his son off his bicycle, and swatted him hard on the bottom. "What you're doing is dangerous", he yelled, "You could be killed! You have to pay attention!" What the father failed to understand is that his young son was not capable of ignoring all of those distractions. His son was getting punished for failing to do something he was incapable of doing. A child that age is more  capable of following someone on a bicycle than leading. The reason for this is biological: Self-control and focus is the function of the brain's frontal lobes, and the frontal lobes are not fully developed or fully connected to the rest of the brain until early adulthood.

No one can learn when they’re afraid. 

I was reading an interview with Dr. Bruce Lipton (you can click on the name to read the interview) and he said that  that it is biologically impossible to learn and implement higher-order thinking when fearful. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstreams and brains. Our blood is diverted to our extremities and higher order frontal lobe thinking is basically shut down in favor of more reflexive responses, originated from our instinctual brain stem area. If you want your child to learn something, it’s critical to reduce fear rather than increase it.

Alright, am not saying you should spare the rod entirely, but then the rod shouldn't be a daily bread for your kids.


Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

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Home Archives for August 2017

Thursday 10 August 2017

BUILDING A POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM

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Self-esteem refers to the opinion you have for your own self. If you feel you’re competent and kind, good looking, or capable of doing things, this is a sign that you have high self-esteem.

But, if you have negative opinions about yourself and feel that you cannot do your tasks like others do or do not look good, you have low self-esteem. Sometimes, low self-esteem becomes the cause of anxiety and depression.

Therefore, self-esteem refers to how you think about your own self, how worthy you think you are and how much importance you give to yourself. It’s not about bragging about yourself, but knowing that you can do your best, even if you’re not perfect.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

It’s unfortunate that only a few people know the important role that self-esteem plays in their lives. The success that you have in your career depends on the effort that you invest in it. Also, the amount of effort that you invest depends on the level of trust that you have in yourself for successfully achieving your goals. Simply, if you do not believe in yourself that you will succeed, you never will. Besides, it’s next to impossible to get better business opportunities or career promotion if you lack self-esteem.

Low self esteem is often the main reason for disappointments in relationships. People with poor self-worth often experience difficulty in getting along with their partners, it as well as affects their sex life. People with negative images about their selves often feel distrust, jealousy, and problems with intimacy. Some indications of poor self-esteem include the following:

•    Feeling of extreme jealousy 

•    Loss of decision making abilities 

•    Feeling of not being respected and cherished by their loved ones 

•    Developing a sense of dependence on others even on simple things 

•    Always feel pressured while doing tasks 

•    Display of excessive anger over simple misunderstandings 

•    Too much worry 

•    Frustration 

•    Feeling helpless 

•    Poor performance at school or the workplace 

It’s extremely difficult to experience the joy of life if you have negative thoughts about yourself. If you always feel negative and have low self-esteem, you’ll never realize your success potentials and you’ll never feel happy in life. Even if things around you are perfect, you’ll never have the chance to enjoy them if you always have negative ideas about your own self.

How Self-Esteem Can Change the Life of a Person

A person with high self-esteem sees everything in a positive view and always feels confident and enjoys life. Even if hardships and difficulties come his way, he sees it challenges and never backs down. If you have high self-esteem, you’ll feel confident.

You will not allow other people to treat you in the wrong way or take advantage on you. All people experience ups and downs at some point of their life and it is ok. However, this doesn’t mean that you should back down and have low self-esteem. If you always have the feeling of not being worthy of something, you’ll never have the courage to try new things and succeed in life.

If you feel that you have low self-esteem, you do not need to worry too much as there are ways you can get rid of it and build self-confidence. Jot down the things that make you feel good about yourself, the things that you have done, and the compliments that others have given to you and this will make you feel good about yourself. If you’re an office person, stick notes to your computer or desk “I’m doing well” or “I can do it”.

These messages will be absorbed by your mind. Everyone is gifted with the power to do great things. Everyone is worthy and see to it that you keep these things in mind. Soon, you’ll feel confident and happy.

Saturday 5 August 2017

THE TOUCH OF LOVE (PART 4)

Time
Tags










THE TOUCH OF LOVE 
PART 4
A STORY WRITTEN BY KENT




Damilare Peters arranged the pay-slips on the desk. The end of every month felt like a jackpot for him. He had a lot of debts to settle and a few things to purchase. He hoped he would have enough left to get him by before he received another paycheck. He considered himself lucky to have gotten employment in Hopewell Dental Clinic as an Accountant. His paycheck was the double of what his peers earned. The nurses strode into his office without knocking, followed by the receptionist.
“Don’t you girls ever knock?”
“The Accountant,” Adanne sat on his desk.
“Accountant, accountant, how you dey now?” Ibinabo settled on a chair in front of the table while Sikemi took the other seat.
“Where is our pay slip?”
He searched her face. The receptionist never wasted time. She was always direct and straight to the point. He liked her, but his height might be a problem. She was at least three inches taller. He knew several girls who didn’t like dating men shorter than they were. He had seen her ogle at the CEO on more than one occasion. He was shorter than her too. If she liked their boss, maybe she might give him a chance.
Sikemi stared back at him puzzled. His intent gaze made her uneasy. Was he interested in her? He wasn’t that bad. He had a good physique, but too short for her liking. He was from her tribe and that was a plus. She was interested in their boss. If only he would notice her. The man had been acting beside himself lately. She had a feeling that he was sort of depressed. She wished he would confide in her. Who was she anyway? His employee, she wasn’t even his friend.
“Have you noticed Oga’s mood swings?” Adanne tapped her on the shoulder.
She looked up at her and nodded.
“That’s true. He is being kind of cold and unapproachable lately,” Ibinabo chimed in.
“May be he is stressed up,” Adanne reasoned.
“Abeg, abeg, take your pay-slips. Don’t turn my office into a gossip center,” he distributed their slips. The nurses chuckled, collected their slips and headed out.
“Oga has turned to stone cold Steve Austin,” Damilare said casually.
Her confused look made him to laugh, “Who is Steve Austin?”
“Steve Austin now, Wrestle Mania…”
Her clueless gaze remained on his face, “I don’t watch wrestling matches.”
“Like seriously?”
She eyed him and got to her feet.
“Steve Austin is mean, cold, powerful, six feet, broad shouldered, fair, six pack, steel-like stance, emotionless and strong.”
“So, our boss is Stone cold Bassey Etim?”
“Exactly, without the height, muscles and you know.”
She started to laugh.
“I was there when he lashed out at Doctor Sylvester.”
“What happened?” she sat back on the chair, eager for news.
“If words were swords, Dr. Slyvester would have had severe cuts all over him.”
“Ouch!” She placed a hand on her chest.
“A broken heart does nasty things to a man’s mind.”
“But, I thought he was over his ex-girlfriend,” she raised an eye-brow.
He shrugged, “Maybe something or someone re-opened his old wounds.”
“Ouch!”
“I guess we are in for a repeat episode of what happened when they just broke up a year ago.”
“God help us,” she leaned against the chair and folded her arms across her chest.

xxxxxx
He drove homewards, despite the storm; he navigated his way into the Government Residential Area. He thought of eating catfish pepper soup for dinner after taking a hot bath. A hot milky beverage would make him to relax and send him off to Slumber land. He had not been sleeping well and it was affecting him physically and mentally. Two houses away from his place, he saw a group of people gathered at a corner and shouting at a man, a woman and a young lady. They stayed closed together, drenched and shivering. What was going on? Should he find out or head home? He didn’t like getting wet in the rain. He drove off and stopped in front of the white house. He changed his mind and got out of the car. He approached the crowd and recognized many of them. Most of them lived on that particular street.
“Uncle Bassey,” she tapped him on the shoulder.
“What are you doing out here? Don’t you know you can catch a cold?” he eyed his neighbour’s daughter.
She pouted her lips.
“What is going on here?”
She moved closer to him, “This man, his wife and daughter, have been living in that uncompleted building down the street. The people in the area want them to live.”
His brows creased in a frown. What was their business? “Nobody has a say in this matter except the owner of the building.”
“The sister of the land owner is the one leading the protest.”
“Witchcraft,” he said under his breath.
“They said they don’t have anywhere else to go, but, no one is listening.”
He sighed and approached the stranded family.
“Doctor Bassey…” someone called him from the crowd, “Please tell them to leave or else I will call the police.”
He ignored the person and addressed the family, “Good evening.”
They stared back at him blankly and cringed.
“I live in that house over there,” he pointed at the white house, they followed his gaze, “It is raining, let’s go in… least you catch a cold or something worse, then, we can talk.”
They exchanged glances and looked back at him.
“Please come with me,” he beckoned at them.
They followed him immediately, but, with caution. The crowd watched them and dispersed, but, Chinyere followed the doctor and the strange family. He led them into the building and returned to get his car. He parked the car inside the compound and hurried into the building. He met Chinyere by the stairway.
“Uncle…”
“Not now, not now,” he dashed off.
She stamped her feet on the ground and watched him leave. She wanted to know why he took the family home. What he did was very risky. He didn’t know them from Adam and they were inside his house. She decided to confront him in the morning. She dragged her feet and returned to her flat.

xxxxxx
Bassey led the family into one of the guest rooms.
“Do you have anything to change into?”
They shook their heads.
“Okay, I will be right back,” he hurried away and returned with a pile of clothes. He dumped them on the large bed, “This…” he picked up a tee-shirt and a pair of black trousers, “It belongs to me…” he sized up the man who looked like he was in his fifties, “I think this will suit you,” he gave it to the man, “The blouses and skirts are for my younger sister, she spends her weekends here sometimes,” he looked at the woman in her forties and the young lady in her mid-twenties.
“Thank you,” they chorused.
“When you have all taken a hot bath, please join me at the dining,” he retreated and found his way out.
The man held hands with his wife and daughter. They were grateful to God for rescuing them from the angry crowd. They had been terrified because they had nowhere else to go that night. The uncompleted building had been their abode for several months. God had sent them an angel and they were grateful.

Watch out for part 5

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

Time
Tags

Spare the rod and spoil the child, that could win the "most popular quote of African parents, a few days ago I watched a scene where a single mother mercilessly beat her child for talking to a stranger, OK obviously that is none of my business, it's her child after all, but then it got me thinking, too many of my friends tend to have this symptoms of low self-esteem which is coating with the word "containment", "they are well trained", their parents would boast but that's not what am thinking, am thinking they are over trained.

Hitting your children constantly may stop their bad behavior but will damage them and your relationship with them in the long run.

People who believe "sparing the rod spoils the child" should be a lifestyle typically dismiss the enormous body of research showing that hitting children constantly turns them into angry, resentful adults with psychological and emotional problems. A large meta-analysis of studies on the effects of punishment found that the more physical punishment children receive, the more defiant they are toward parents and authorities, the poorer their relationships with parents, the more likely they are to report hitting a dating partner or spouse. They are also more likely to suffer mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse problems.
A rational person changes his or her beliefs when reality turns out to contradict those beliefs.
The data show that punishment must be age-appropriate, and must be used when appropriate. Mild spanks may be acceptable for children aged 2-6, older children should be disciplined in non-violent ways, and parents with anger issues or abusive tendencies should avoid physical discipline entirely. According to national statistics, nearly 125,000 children were victims of physical abuse serious enough to warrant medical care in 2012, and 42% of those victims were under the age of 6.
Even when using physical punishment on a young child, you must be sure punishment is really called for in the circumstances. I once saw a father and young son (about age five) bicycling along a busy road, the father following the son. The father was beside himself with rage because his son simply would not keep his mind on the road. Everything seemed to distract him. The father finally lost it, pulled his son off his bicycle, and swatted him hard on the bottom. "What you're doing is dangerous", he yelled, "You could be killed! You have to pay attention!" What the father failed to understand is that his young son was not capable of ignoring all of those distractions. His son was getting punished for failing to do something he was incapable of doing. A child that age is more  capable of following someone on a bicycle than leading. The reason for this is biological: Self-control and focus is the function of the brain's frontal lobes, and the frontal lobes are not fully developed or fully connected to the rest of the brain until early adulthood.

No one can learn when they’re afraid. 

I was reading an interview with Dr. Bruce Lipton (you can click on the name to read the interview) and he said that  that it is biologically impossible to learn and implement higher-order thinking when fearful. The fear response triggers the fight or flight instinct and adrenaline and cortisol flood our bloodstreams and brains. Our blood is diverted to our extremities and higher order frontal lobe thinking is basically shut down in favor of more reflexive responses, originated from our instinctual brain stem area. If you want your child to learn something, it’s critical to reduce fear rather than increase it.

Alright, am not saying you should spare the rod entirely, but then the rod shouldn't be a daily bread for your kids.


Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.
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